Those first few days

Those first few days

Those first few days are now a blur. Trying to work out how to feed her: how much, how often. When was she tired? Should I put her in her cot or rock her to sleep? Why was she crying? Was she grieving for all she had lost?

Jo was my rock during those first few days. Sterilising bottles, getting food for me, buying clothes, pushers, anything and everything. Running here, there and everywhere. It wasn’t just me who was exhausted. I just couldn’t have coped without her support and encouragement.

The singles group I am part of strongly suggested that I should be the only person to do everything, so that the Camille would get a clear message about who was her mother and to facilitate attachment. However by the end of the second day (Tuesday 26th Dec.), I was exhausted. Camille and been unsettled and crying long and hard. I had walked her around in the carry bag to settle her all afternoon. I was physically and emotionally exhausted.

Initially when I had given Camille to Jo to nurse, Camille cried and cried. But by that second day I said to Jo, I don’t care what that singles group or experts say, I can’t do this on my own. I need help. By that stage I felt quite confident that Camille had attached to me (on some level at least).

That afternoon Jo went and bought a stroller. The following morning she took Camille out in the stroller before breakfast, saying ‘Don’t worry if she cries, I’ll be right, you need a break’. Camille took to that stroller instantly. She didn’t cry. She had quickly discovered that a stroller takes you to interesting places, fast.